A Fence in the marriage

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It’s not surprise to anyone reading this that I’ve had difficulties in my marriage.  I mean, shocker—being married to me is not easy.  I am loud, brash, uncouth, and gregarious.  

FD and I have had many many struggles mostly revolving around communication.  We both come to ther relationship with preformed notions, and after 10 years or so, those come to the surface more frequently.  

The difference this time is that we talked about things.  Granted, it was him who brought it up about his expectations for the fence and his worry about finishing it.  I got mad at him at first because I thought he was insinuated that I didn’t care about the fence like he did.

He wasn’t saying that, he was trying to establish expectations because I had been super excited about the Barbie movie and wanting to go hang out and do some whitewater.  

Well, I think I did a better time hearing him on this one because we’ve made a lot of progress and he’s super happy with the project and the timeline.  

I forget the benefits of what I can bring to a project.  I may be loud and brash and uncouth, but I also am a reallly good logistic planner and have a knack for organizing a workflow.  Not everyone has that and it’s quite the needed thing on a construction site.  

So, hearing me and realizing how I was struggling, Doug has refused to let me trip subjects that are hard for me to talk about.  For example, If I see something I think might be wrong, I say something, but if he has trouble understanding me, I give up really quickly and say, well, you must be right because I’m insecure about my ideas.  

Doug has started refusing to continue the project until he understands my ideas and can alley any concerns.  

Sometimes, he can’t  because I’m seeing an actually problem that needs to be addressed in the build.  Sometimes, I’m confused on the final specs, but honestly, it’s usually more me seeing a problem and Doug refusing to move until he sees what I see.

That has been incredibly positive.  Now, don’t get me wrong. It feels super co-dependent. I think I’m the one that needs to make sure I don’t back down until I’m satisfied it was a perspective issue on my part.  

I’m far too quick to say, oh, I’m wrong and then it works out I’m not actually wrong and if I fought for my idea we’d all be better off.  

That’s been really interesting to learn about myself.  I think it was Michael who said, “you’re the most secure insecure person I’ve ever met.”

I’m pretty sure what that translates to is, “you’re the most extroverted insecure person I’ve ever met.”  

Oh, well.  Another week. Hoping to see Barbie this weekend in the theatres and also hoping to get some physical rest!!