It’s not surprise to anyone reading this that I’ve had difficulties in my marriage.  I mean, shocker—being married to me is not easy.  I am loud, brash, uncouth, and gregarious.  

FD and I have had many many struggles mostly revolving around communication.  We both come to ther relationship with preformed notions, and after 10 years or so, those come to the surface more frequently.  

The difference this time is that we talked about things.  Granted, it was him who brought it up about his expectations for the fence and his worry about finishing it.  I got mad at him at first because I thought he was insinuated that I didn’t care about the fence like he did.

He wasn’t saying that, he was trying to establish expectations because I had been super excited about the Barbie movie and wanting to go hang out and do some whitewater.  

Well, I think I did a better time hearing him on this one because we’ve made a lot of progress and he’s super happy with the project and the timeline.  

I forget the benefits of what I can bring to a project.  I may be loud and brash and uncouth, but I also am a reallly good logistic planner and have a knack for organizing a workflow.  Not everyone has that and it’s quite the needed thing on a construction site.  

So, hearing me and realizing how I was struggling, Doug has refused to let me trip subjects that are hard for me to talk about.  For example, If I see something I think might be wrong, I say something, but if he has trouble understanding me, I give up really quickly and say, well, you must be right because I’m insecure about my ideas.  

Doug has started refusing to continue the project until he understands my ideas and can alley any concerns.  

Sometimes, he can’t  because I’m seeing an actually problem that needs to be addressed in the build.  Sometimes, I’m confused on the final specs, but honestly, it’s usually more me seeing a problem and Doug refusing to move until he sees what I see.

That has been incredibly positive.  Now, don’t get me wrong. It feels super co-dependent. I think I’m the one that needs to make sure I don’t back down until I’m satisfied it was a perspective issue on my part.  

I’m far too quick to say, oh, I’m wrong and then it works out I’m not actually wrong and if I fought for my idea we’d all be better off.  

That’s been really interesting to learn about myself.  I think it was Michael who said, “you’re the most secure insecure person I’ve ever met.”

I’m pretty sure what that translates to is, “you’re the most extroverted insecure person I’ve ever met.”  

Oh, well.  Another week. Hoping to see Barbie this weekend in the theatres and also hoping to get some physical rest!!





 

This is my Cat nut.  

I found it while walking to the library in a snow storm in Virginia almost ten years ago.  It looks as if it was shered on the back like some massive beast snapped in two in her gaping maw.  

When I found it, it was a wonder to me.  Wow.  How much force did that take?  Cool.

And then a thought struck me, if there was force like this in the world, then there was force enough in me to run a 5k.

Yeah, nuts.  Truely, perfrectly insane.  

That’s life with Santha.  So started my running carreer that ended with the Black Squierll Triathalon.  

I enjoyed the runner’s high, but my knees did not.  Now that I’m 40 pounds lighter than I was in Virginia, I’m sad that my knees are gone.  The doctor says they are only gone from running, so walking and hiking are my best options (well, and swimming and boating and water stuff).  

Anyway, back to the Cat nut.  For me, it was an inspiration and remider that all is possible in this world.  Powerful forces lurk everywhere—even on the walk to the library. 

This week, I am throwing it out.  

I can have the memory without having the object.  Metaphysically, I never “have” the object to begin with as all possessions are really just “rented” while we are here on the earth.  

I credit this to Dorian.  She had begun a “cleaning out” journey before she passed on to glory.  I remember she even threw out her unicorn stuffed animal that sat on her bed for almost her entire life.  

I cried when she told me she threw it out.  It represented something, maybe an innocence, from our childhood…when we were both perfect, loved and protected children.  

I still have all my dolls and could not bear to part with them yet (I tried for the garage sale; didn’t take).  I want to be like Dorian and live completely in the present.

I’m not there yet.  

Such Sadness.  Ugh.  Alright…here’s something that’s been making me super happy….

I’ve been away from writing and the blogs for over a month now.  I’ve made all the excuses in my head, but none of them really account for the lack of posting.  

My friend K and I made big bucks at our garage sale, and I was able to get rid of a lot of extra junk.  The rest is in the process of migrating to GoodWill after a massive donation to the paralyzed vets.  We were hampered by rain the second day.  I figure if we had better weather we would have made more, but I topped out over 300 American dollars, so I was please.  

They say pictures are worth a thousand words.  Hopefully these will suffice as an explanation of why I have been gone for so long.  

Gardens of flowers, garage sales, two-day drives, family time, beach time, day drinking time, paddling and eating sea food.  That’s about it actually.

On the education front, I’m gettin great to go into OLLI to put in the outlines for fall’s classes.  Daddy and I are going to team up and teach iMovie on iOS and OS.  I’m also hoping to put together a publishing class and a device class to teach the Apple product line.  

Sales of the books are super slow right now.  That fact coupled with the fact I have not published is really hurting my revenue.  Hoping I can pick up some odd jobs between now and the next big publication push.