Hubris or not, this is where my total stands this morning. I’m pretty proud of this and that makes my anxiety spike because pride is the thing that happens before ya fall according to all the literature.
Still, I’m happy to have made it this far and if this is as far as I get, well, so be it. I worked hard to get stopped at this point. I guess.
I haven’t updated the blog in a while and it’s partly due to some pretty severe life changes on my part. I haven’t really credited how big things have changed in just the last few weeks. Mom and Dad are doing well on their own and I’m being encourages to reroot/reroute my life to mainly being out of Omaha.
I was eccstatic about it at first. More time here. More time to write, maybe some time to work and make some money. But then, it hit me. Staying here. Building something that will only fall down as soon as they need me down south. I feel like a.ragdoll being pulled between being available and settleing down here.(again).
I also didn’t post because I’ve just been so darned depressed at having lost everything that I built for so long. I was reminded again last night that I have had no lasting impact anywhere from my stint in Gretna or Bellevue or Newport News. Nothing I worked to build remains.
I feel like this is a pity party for one, but who have I got to tell? Maybe that’s why I’m putting so much into my writing and my book creation in NaNoWriMo. I want to have something I build last. I’ve always kinda strived for the “loved each other well” legacy, but as I grow older, I want more.
On a brighter note, I have been using the whiteboard I purchased at Aldi’s to outline and keep track of things with the novel.
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